How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you

My Cat Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

“My cat doesn’t love me anymore” is said way too often amongst pet owners across the world. We have received important feedback from one of our furry friends regarding this issue…

Dear Human,
My cat doesn't love me anymore!

“No! I don’t like kisses!”

I overheard you telling someone “I feel my cat doesn’t love me anymore.” You said that you feel awful because lately you noticed that I no longer want to cuddle and sleep with you and every time you try to kiss me I push your face away, escape from your arms and run as far away from you as I can. You said that you feel that I cannot even stand being in the same room as you! I heard the person you were talking to say that I am just a “master emotional manipulator” and that I am just jealous and spiteful. That made me sad because it is not true. Please know, my Human, that I can never not love you!
Cat angry about going in a cat carrier

“You said we are going to the park. Why are we at the vets?”

When you sense a change in my behaviuor towards you, come check me over to see if there is anything wrong with me physically. Or bring me over to that Vet Human’s office for a check-up. Yes I know I raise hell every time you ask me to go inside the pet carrier and I hiss at everyone at the Vet’s office even though I know they are all nice people and are just looking out for what is best for me. I cannot help it but I am sorry. Know that I will be forever grateful if you took me there and it saves my life. Sometimes when I don’t feel like being a Snuggle Bug, it is just that I am being a cat. There are times that I simply need my space and alone time. I know you love me Human but sometimes, maybe unknowingly, you do things that either make me feel smothered or make me feel rejected.  
Man touching noses with cat

A headbutt says “You’re my human and I love you.”

I do not like it when you kiss me on my nose. I sometimes indulge you because I love you but we cats show our love in many other ways. A head butt is a hug. A face rub says “You’re mine”. When I make direct eye contact with you, it means I really like you. A slow blink is our equivalent of a kiss.  
kitten sleeping on laptop

Best place to sleep in the whole world!

Please do not push me away when I try to sit on your lap or lie on your computer keyboard. Maybe I am feeling a bit cold and I like your keyboard because it is warm. If you do not want a cat lying on your keyboard then place a box or a basket beside your computer and I would be happy to sit there instead and stare at you while you work. When you find me sitting on your chair, do not shoo me away like some fly. Instead, pick me up gently and transfer me on your lap or on another chair beside you.   Funny cat next to toilet My meditation and alone time are important to me. You do not like it when I keep following you all over the house all the time, do you? I know you do not like me watching you take a shower! So please quit following me around too, especially with that camera of yours snapping photos of me even at the most inappropriate time – like when I am doing my business at the litterbox or when I am cleaning my behind! And then you even post it on Facebook! How embarrassing is that?  
Do not spray your cat with water.

Hey! Stop it. Mean human!

Do not yell at me or spray my face with water when you catch me doing something unacceptable like chewing on wires, not using my litterbox, or scratching the sofa. When you scold me, I do not understand it and my only thought is that you are being mean to me. So instead of yelling at me when I do something wrong, reward me when I do something right. I learn better that way. If you do not want me to chew up your wires, then do not leave them lying around because sometimes I may not be able to resist the temptation to chew on them. Get those cord protectors that I have read about instead of yelling at me. When I am not using my litterbox, check on me because I may have a blockage or check on my litterbox because perhaps you forgot to clean it.
Cat scratching sofa

Time to get me a scratching post!

When I am scratching your furniture that means you need to get me a scratching post, or better yet get me that cat condo with a high perch where I can sit and watch the birds outside the window and have the best vantage point inside the house. I would love that.   Cat which has caught a mouse Do not freak out and run away when I bring you “gifts”. Frankly, I think you are being overacting when you do that. It makes me think you do not appreciate my presents. Do you realize how much work I put into getting you that gift? No, I did not order it with a few clicks online. Believe me or not, I actually chased and caught it! That is what you call personalized gift giving! At least pretend that you like it and say thank you and rub my cheek.   My cat doesn't love me anymore after I forgot to feed it.You say I don’t love you anymore just because I don’t meow at you, but when I do you “shush” me and call me noisy! When I meow at you repeatedly, nudge you and follow you around, listen to me because I have something important to say to you! Take a look at me, check if I am hurt, check my food bowl because I may be telling you that I am hungry, check my litterbox because it may be dirty. Listen to me when I meow because I might be telling you that the dog just set the kitchen on fire and you still have enough time to put it out!   When you say that you feel awful because I do not sleep in bed with you anymore, I am not being deliberately spiteful. I am just looking for a more comfortable place to sleep where the temperature suits me better.  Do not take these things personally. And if I walk away, please do not grab my tail to make me stay, it isn’t nice and neither is it comfortable.
Cat sleeping on radiator

I love you radiator! You are so warm and cozy.

I was hurt when I overheard you say to your human friend that you suspected I was trying to trip and kill you when I weaved between your feet while you were walking. How could you even entertain that thought? I was just trying to tell you look at me and maybe play with me. How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. cat intervention.I sometimes catch you preoccupied with watching cat videos on YouTube and liking those photos of cats you don’t even know on Instagram… so preoccupied sometimes that you forget to refill my food and water bowl! How do you think I feel about that? Especially when you know how much I hate drinking stagnant water! Well, you can make it up to me by getting me that nice ceramic water fountain with the little cat grass on the side that I saw online. That way I can have fresh water all the time even when you are pretending to be busy with work but are actually scrolling through Facebook. Order me the blue one because it matches my eyes. And while you are at it, you can get me a cute lion’s mane costume too because my birthday is coming up and I know it would look awesome on me! Miaustore cat water fountain  
brush your cat

Grooming can be a form of bonding.

Bonding between you and me does not always have to be either cuddling or playing. Don’t get me wrong because I do love cuddling and playing with you but just not all of the time! We can bond in other more productive ways too like when you brush me. It creates time shared between you and me and it keeps my hair coat healthy and clean. Most importantly it even minimises me getting hairballs! Notice that sometimes I express how much I appreciate you and even try to groom you too! This has gotten a bit long and I may sound like I am complaining but I’m not! How could I complain when I have the Best Human a cat could ever wish for? Just know that when you hover over me I feel smothered. Also when you shun my needs, advances and gifts I feel rejected. So if I hear those words “my cat doesn’t love me anymore” ever again I will not be happy. I always love you my Human, do not ever doubt it.
My cat does love me!

I love you, my Human.

Your Cat